Oh, For Crying Out Loud

Yup. I am about to get candid. Hopefully, we'll still be friends... Did you ever fall off the wagon? IT SUCKS. You absolutely hate yourself and beat yourself up relentlessly until you hopefully chisel into your thick skull that what you just did was the most horrible thing on Earth and that you should never, ever do it again! Um, I shouldn't eat ice cream again?? I shouldn't eat what I want when I want??? Hey, screw you, me! WTF do you know about the stuff I like... Oh. Right. I should come clean: I had kidney stones several months ago and I decided to re-examine lifestyle and form a more healthier way of living. So I asked around for a trainer that worked "economically" and she turned me on to a fitness plan and eating plan. I lost over 40 lbs since I started in March. I have tons more energy for my children, husband, gigs and jobs. I can keep up with the children I teach. I'm playing better. I'm performing better. Holy cow, losing weight is amazing... I'm eternally grateful for this wonderful trainer in my life and helping me re-establish my relationship with food. My trainer's name is Sarah McCarney (www.sarahmccarney.com). She's awesome. Do yourself a favor, and check her out. Unfortunately, I've hit a snag. They happen. Thankfully, all snags are temporary. I had a sinus infection this week and the doctor gave me antibiotics. However, I was broke. My mom actually had to pay for my doctor visit, since my health insurance likes to eat a hole through my pocket. So I got some cash from my savings to tie me over until I got paid, then wait for the weekend to go food shopping. Since I had to save that $ for groceries, the only items available to me where random things for the kids and whatever was left in the fridge. The food plan is incredibly specific, but I needed to eat... That was Friday. I kinda haven't stopped since. I feel my body paying for it, too. Around my knees feel full of water. It's bizarre. I think, though, Monday (tomorrow) will bring a blue skies. I made all my meals for the week and I began my usual routine tonight so tomorrow morning I can actually practice for the major shows this week. In school we were taught to always ASK (Assess our Skills and Knowledge) of a certain situation. I always imagine that this concept encouraged the assessor to view circumstances objectively, yet still remain optimistic. I have to admit that during moments of struggle, that mentality is difficult to maintain, however everyone is blessed with a mind that can overcome anything. Since we as individuals are assessors in our own fields of experience, we possess the skills and the knowledge to crawl out of the little hole of which we dug for ourselves. Or something. Whatever. Feeling gross is a drag. Tomorrow, I get back on the wagon.